If you read the free chapter from my new book, Dare To Move, you learned all about my character Nicole’s trials and tribulations with dating. The story itself is based on my life; thus, when I think back to my single days, it hits me that even though I thought I was seeking love, my actions didn’t always align with what I sought, at least in the beginning.
(the links above are to articles on these topics from other millennial blogs I love– check them out!)
You see, when you’re too busy becoming a self-employed #bossbabe, dating kind of has to come second. Why? Because if you give up your sleep (read: early bed-time) for a late evening date, and the guy is a total jerk you feel guilty for sacrificing your own personal time and productivity in business/work.
And this brings me to why us millennials are not actually seeking love, and why we frustrated when we attempt to seek it out: we are too busy, and we have too many options.
If you read my article Millennials: seeking passion, you read all about our portfolio lifestyle (my three best tips for surviving the portfolio lifestyle on YT coming out next week!), our side hustles, and about how technology allows us to to a lot more in a lot less time, leading to all kinds of daily activities. On top of that, we feel slightly isolated. Feeling the lack of community, we turn to apps for dating and with endless options to click through, the faces become avatars to us. In my opinion, there’s this dehumanization element that comes with the avatar affect of seeing hundred of faces as you swipe right or left. No longer do you worry about being five minutes late to a date; no longer to you worry about canceling an hour before; no longer to you worry about leaving in the middle of a date (this actually happen to me IRL, a guy got up and walked away mid drink).
So why all the rudeness and disrespect? Well, because maybe people feel their actions have no recourse since they can avoid seeing the person again. The avatar you met IRL can vanish like they were a hologram all along. Worse, even if the date went well, one of the parties can become too busy again and leave the other person hanging onto what they thought was the start of something great, hoping they aren’t being ghosted.
We’ve lost the grace in courtship. And why? Because we aren’t really courting… until we are. If a friend sets you up with someone they care about, it becomes more real situation. Or, if you meet someone in real life, at a bar or church or something, and they ask you out to your face, now you’ve entered real-life dating. Suddenly you care about being on time, using manners, saving sexual innuendo for later and for men, being chivalrous. Unless you’re real-life dating, you’re not seeking love… you’re seeking options.
In Dare to Move (available for purchase!!!!), the main character, Nicole Winston actually does a great deal of real life dating and relationships. It isn’t until she falls victim to all the millennials on apps NOT seeking love that she becomes majorly jaded. Buy the book to find out what happens after her two year stint in Singledom.